​Bathroom Wonderings

           Why do some guys feel the need to undress when they use the urinal? I mean, there I am today, making my recycling contribution to the environment, and next to me this guy has dropped his pants to his ankles. Besides being gross and unsanitary, we are not known for our aim; (Once I had a girl tell me not to piss in the toilet at her high school graduation party. Obliviously I . . .) what is the need to drop your trousers?

            Is your watering utensil so small that you need the extra room so you don’t piss on yourself? I guess you probably mow the lawn so you can find the needle in the haystack. There may be some psychological reason you feel the need to undress in public, but consider the rest of us. It is a little disturbing to be minding your own business and hear grunting, groaning, and the sound of a belt being undone, then hitting the floor.

            Speaking of grunting and groaning. . . guys, is it necessary to make it sound like you’re carrying a load of bricks when you’re taking a dump. I get it that may be where the slang came from, “Shitting a ton of bricks,” or “Dropping a load,” but really some of you sound like you’re going to have a heart attack. Nothing personal, but I’m giving not CPR. What’s with the grunting and groaning while pissing? Surely, your urethra isn’t all plaqued up? Hey, less Viagra and more Lipitor.

            I know it’s just the bathroom, but please, don’t be an ass, show a little class.