Crab Pots

(Originally published in 1996, The Voice of Southern Maryland)

            The crab pot incidents involving county locals are indeed a cause for concern. Unfortunately the media has missed the real tragedy.  There are now an untold number of crabs that have nowhere to go to the bathroom. If you didn’t realize that crabs, don’t worry it is a secret government project originally started during the Carter Administration.

            Spurred by environmentalists, in an effort to clean the water, and endorsed by President Clinton, not only are there crab pots, but cod pots, rock fish pots, jelly fish pots, and others are funded each year in the environmental budget.  These pots have been placed at various locations, along various water ways around the nation, including the Gulf of Mexico and the two oceans.

            Classified government video tapes show several species of marine life climbing out of the bay and into the white pots.  Inside government sources say that changes have occurred to the marine life in the bay.  Several rock fish and clams have sprouted legs, and are now being studied by government scientists.

            Some studies have shown that in three to four years several more species will have grown legs and become amphibious. Once these new land dwellers are placed on the welfare and eventually given minority status, an Al Gore-Rachel Carson ticket by a landslide, uh, sorry a waterfall!