​Drug Store

            I once worked at a national chain drug store, not CVS. What the fuck does CVS stand for? Cunt Very Smelly? Susie’s cute, but she got a CVS. Come on guys, what’s worse than a smelly snatch? Right, not getting close enough to snatch to smell it, that’s what!

            My friend came into work one day and told me he earned his “red wings.”

            “What the fuck is that?” I asked.

            He says, “I ate my girlfriend out on the rag.”

           “I said, “Why did you do that? Why not just eat her out on the bed?”

           He goes, “No, no, no. I ate her out on her period.”

           I said, “That’s fucking gross.”

           “No man, it wasn’t half bad.”

           “What the fuck wasn’t half bad? When you were eating her ass out?”

           Honestly, how do you do that? I once dated a girl, and we were fooling around and I was fingering her, (okay ladies, stop rolling your eyes and groaning); anyways, after I took my hand out of her pants my fingers had such a pungent odor, that I made up some excuse and left.

          The worse part was I forgot to wash my hands. So there I am, in January, driving seventy miles an hour, with the window down, hand out the window, trying to blow the stench off. I just about lost two of my fingers to frostbite and I couldn’t eat for with my right hand for two weeks without getting a whiff of Friday Fish Night.