Breaking news! They’ve canceled Easter. Don’t worry the Friday fish fries will continue as the Catholic Church needs the money to settle pending pedophile claims. In a related story Penn State University announced that they will be having Friday Fish Fries for the next century.
With Easter canceled there is now only one day of the year churches will be packed, Christmas.
Hold on, if they found the body, doesn’t that make Christmas a moot point?
If that is the case do Christians man up, say they were wrong and become Jews? After all they were right, the Messiah hasn’t come. Man, is that going to fuck up the world. Can you imagine the world half Jew, half Muslim? The Middle East mess really becomes a world mess at that point. The Anti-Israel crowd has no choice but to become the pro-Israel crowd. Imagine the problems as, say, one hundred fifty million new American Jews trying to squeeze into the Promised Land.
Perhaps Mormonism gains credibility. If I remember correctly, aliens from the planet Zicon landed, put Jesus and his brother Satan on Earth, Jesus won a battle with the help of Obe Wan Kanobe and took control of the topside of the planet. Or is that Scientology? Or, perhaps, the Rev. Farrakhan? Whatever, I would imagine the smaller religions would welcome new suckers, I mean, sheep to the flock. Maybe we can turn to the Ufologists to guide us. Considering that there is more documented evidence for UFOs than most religions, it is entirely possibly that ET may become the leading religious icon on our dashboards.
In the end, I guess, the real question that needs to be asked is; was Mary a slut or just an unlucky teen whose partner’s sheepskin leaked?