​Random Thoughts I


I tried expanding my mind, but found expanding my waistline was easier.

If things are always darkest before the dawn; are they brightest before the dusk?

In the art of self-promotion, I was demoted. :-/

Hey, I lost my shadow puppets! Can anyone shine some light on the situation?

If only some of the people from your past would stay there. What a wonderful this would be!

I don't get it. Why does everyone have a steak in the outcome? Why not a chicken? And when did outcomes start making ovens?

My driveway just told me it's on a low salt diet; looks like things could get slippery around here.

I tried sitting and reflecting over the holidays, then I realized I wasn't a mirror.

There's no time like the present, as you can't change the past.

If I was found guilty of killing time, I wouldn't get any jail time then, right?

I was experimenting with my twitter in Starbucks and some old lady hit me with her cane!

Saw a shirt-How's Second Taste? Which I guess is better than-How's Number 2 Taste?

Even when I'm alone, I'm not by myself. That's not a bad thing, is it?

Things were going great until Monday realized what day it was.

Hey, I lost my shadow puppets! Can anyone shine some light on the situation?

The scary thing is, the more I deal with people I find that I am the normal one.

If Twinkies are bought and produced in Mexico, will they be called Twinkieritos?

Karma: First you stuff turkey, then the turkey stuffs you.

There is no honor among thieves, unless of course they belong to the same family.