Skins, Toddlers and Tiaras


            As a service to you I sit and watch a lot of television.  Sometimes I have to watch it with my wife.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife, it’s just that we don’t have the same tastes in television programming.  I like sports, violent movies, the SyFy Channel and Showtime. She likes TLC, Hallmark and the HGTV channels.

            I learn much sitting on my couch at night, when I’m not bitching about what I’m watching.  Recently I have the opportunity to watch “Toddlers and Tiaras.”  It is a gross program in which children, ages 8 and under, complete in beauty contests.  The kids are brats and the parents are disturbing to say the least.

            The one episode I sat through made me feel dirty.  Who wants to watch young girls dressed as prostitutes, gyrating around on stage?  What concerned me the most was that when they panned the camera to the crowd, you could see heads ducking and pants being zipped up. Other than the mothers, and an occasional father, it looked like a pedophiles anonymous meeting.

            The mothers are incredible. They, regardless of age or weight, try to dress like their kids.  Some say that guys force their kids into sports to relieve their glory years, but what are these women doing?  Their glory years consisted of taking cash for sex?  Maybe being the town slut, until they managed to get a husband?  What type of message are they sending? It’s okay to dress and strut around like a whore to get what you want?  One would think that feminist groups would be protesting this juvenile meat market.  You’ve come a long way baby?

            This brings me to MTV’s Skins. All these groups are protesting the show. Why? Because it shows young people having sex and doing drugs.  There have even been some who call the program child pornography. Has anyone been inside a high school, hell, middle school lately? Sponsors are being boycotted or are pulling their advertising from the show, while parents and politics pound loudly on tables and podiums.  It is the end of society. It is the end of decency. It is the end of America as we know it!

            I almost believe that parents enjoy these watch dog groups.  Of course they enjoy sending their kids to school as well.  Both for the same reason, they don’t have to parent and can continue to be their kid’s friend.  After all, parents have important things to do, and children, well they just get in the way.  If it wasn’t for the tax deduction, chances are we, as a society would have ceased to exist in the late 90s. Perhaps the next great movement will be the sterilization of the population so sex has no consequences and kids don’t fuck up what consenting adults want to do.

            Perhaps we should be happy that the sexual revolution and equality for women has been won.

            However, it would seem a program that encourages four year olds to blow judges to win $300 might be a cause for alarm. I’m sorry, $3,000, but does that make it any better? I guess as long as Suzie gets the money to go to college; she can take the skills she has learned, bang the professor and get that ‘A,’ and maybe go into journalism or television

            What’s the big deal? Girls will be girls.