Stream of Consciousness 2

(There is a very dark place inside me that sometimes escapes to the light of day.)


            Any of you drunk motherfuckers here tonight religious? My friend, Willie, who is black, well African-American, which would make me Irish-Polish-American, meaning I can drink a lot, but don’t know how to use the urinal, especially the floor length. Man, I remember a simpler time when we were black, white, yellow and red. Just think, maybe one day, we’ll all get along better, not so much now, but in the future. There could be a time when some little kid comes up to me and says, “Dude, I’m an African-Asian-Czech-Hispanic-American, so don’t label me.”

            I get labels. I’m an old white guy.  I understand why on one wants to hire me.  I love it when some of these kids bitch that no one will hire them.  Hint if your face looks like a Christmas tree because of all your piercings, chances are you won’t get hired.  It’s not prejudice, it’s just the way it is.  If you walk in a place with your dick hanging out you won’t get hired either. Too fat, too tattooed, too loud, gray, too old, too short, too tall, you may not find a job.

            In fact the only place the only job where looks don’t matter is prostitution. Men will fuck anything.  Ladies you know it’s true. Doughnuts, socks, bread, trees, it doesn’t matter, if a guy can up his dick through it, or rub on it, he’ll fuck it.  Where do you think some of the slang comes from? Farmer eyeballing a sheep, thinks about it, fucks it.  He goes home at night to bang the wife, begins to fantasize and tells her I love your wool.  Different guy, spots a cat, fucks it (takes it out for dinner first, of course), goes home bangs the wife and tells her how he loves her pussy.

            Is inter-species sex cheating?  I don’t think so; after all it’s not addressed in the Bible.  There it is guys, a religious loophole for cheating. 

“Honey where you going?”

“Me and the guys are going to the petting zoo.”

“Ok. You taking the kids?”

“No we’re just checking it out.”

            Just think, if you came to my house and found cats, dogs, chickens and various farm animals.  We could share a secret smile and a nod.  Maybe we band together and create an adult petting zoo franchise.  Maybe an internet service, eAnimal, guys we could be millionaires, and saving marriages.  We would be providing shelter to animals and placing them in caring homes.  No longer would we here Sarah McLachlan woefully singing on our televisions.  We could change the world.

            Of course there is PETA.  I’m sure they’d lobby for safe working conditions, pay, health and retirement benefits.  Then there would be some dirt bag attorney, wanting his client Sheila the Sheep, to get spousal support, maybe half of your earnings, or lamb support.  Then the government would step in and want to tax you, regulate your business, and then some right wing nut job would want a Constitutional Amendment outlawing pets for pleasure.  Not to mention the religious nuts protesting funerals and pet cemeteries.

            Fuck it people. Sex with animals is a bad idea.

            Sorry about that, my mind tends to wander. Thanks for taking part in my Therapy Session.