​The Deli Line


What is it with old people at the deli counter in a supermarket?  I don't get it.  Just buy the fucking meat. I watched this old dude send back three different slices of meat.  The deli guy would cut it, hand it over and this guy would weigh it in his hand, hold it up to the light and give it a finger roll. It was gross, not to mention time consuming. 

Come on buddy, hurry up your number 22, and I'm number 41.  Are you going to eat it or fuck it for God's sake?  Just buy it. If it’s too thin just add another fucking slice to your sandwich! How difficult can that be?  Buy some cheese to make it thicker. I mean this guy wanted to see light through his fucking slice of meat. Hey asshole; a pound is a pound, not matter how high the meat is stacked.

I suppose old guys have all the time in the world to stumble around the store. As my girl always tells me, old men are gross and just get grosser. I am finding, I agree and dread the day I reach the age I can stand in line at the grocery store and shit myself. No, really, it’s true I was at my local grocery, and this old guy in front of me starts making bubbling and squirting sounds, and the next think I know, the place smells like a sewer. Hell, haven’t you ever stood next to some old man and get a whiff of the urine trapped in his Depends?

I don’t fear dying, I fear pissing and crapping myself. Bad enough our dicks stop working and we resort to pills, injections, pumps and vacuums. Not me, of course, but I’ve heard this can happen. Actually, I think I’d kill for a four-hour erection, that’s a problem? If it is, don’t go to the hospital, call my ex-wife and meet her somewhere; she’s made more men limp than a Mafia collector and a baseball bat.

God, I hate standing in line at the deli, my mind really wonders…